To sick or swim

Assignment: Write a narrative essay about your life

Student response: When I get home that night I was extremely nervous, because I had not done so well on the pervious tests before. So this final was going to be my sick or swim grade I would have to get an 80 or higher on the test to pass the class.

Reading for books

Assignment: Write an introduction to your end of semester portfolio explaining what you've learned and how you will keep working on your weaknesses.

Student response: The ways I will help in the improving process is my reading for books which exposes me to new words. Then I will right here and there and have someone look over to improve my skill.

Television as inspiration

Assignment: Write a research paper about higher education.

Student response: Now I shall discuss my other career choice. A Registered Nurse or also known as RN. I never thought I would even consider wanting to be a nurse until I started watching the show Grey's Anatomy.

Make a plan Step 3

Assignment: Write a research paper about higher education.

Student response: When hearing someone giving career advise be weary and do valuable research on the topic.
Make a plan Step 3 once an individual had chosen a career you then have to figure out how to reach that goal.

Little to know effort

Assignment: Write a research paper about higher education.

Student response: A paper about why a college education is unnecessary. A snippet: "These are just a few examples of the many successful people with little to know college."

Guest Post: Professor Z will make you pail as a ghost

Another special present from our friend, Professor Z.
Only three weeks left in the semester, then it's time to prepare for a new batch...and start all over again. In the meantime, enjoy these delightful tidbits!


1. Some choices that I made were to write is as the person was there with us and they were doing it to with us.

2. There were spots of dirt all over the walls that reminded me off a poke-a-dot wall in a child’s room.

3. She looked as pail as a ghost.

4. Of the friends, only one had talked, to which I named him jerkface.

An evil that very few people understand

Assignment: Write a persuasive essay about the media's influence on society.

Student response: (In an essay about television's influence on presidential elections)
These ads while they show truthful ads, are designed to make the viewer choose the other candidate when in fact usually neither one is a good choice based on the facts given, but they simply try and make the viewer decide between the lesser of two evils, sometimes an evil that very few people understand so it appears to be something bad.

Parrots vs. curtains: A lesson in excuses

Assignment: Work on your research papers during class

Student (halfway through class): "Can I leave early? I just remembered I left my parrot cage open. If they get out they'll eat the curtains and that's really bad for them."

Cut of the pot

Assignment: Write a persuasive essay about the media's influence on society.

Student response: An "essay" about a proposed casino. A snippet:
"At first when i saw the commercial from the pro-casino side, I was all for the casino thinking 2,700 jobs would be fantastic for the area,absolutely."

Then, later:
"Instead of the casino you would be better off to put a bunch of money in a pot with your friends and pull a name out and whoever's name gets pulled out they win, at least then someone outside of your friends wouldn't get a large cut of the pot."

Killing your lunges

Assignment: Write a persuasive essay about the media's influence on society.

Student response in an essay about the dangers of make-up: "With respiratory toxicity does not only kill your lunges, but also kills your immune system."

Getting rid of pesky comas

Assignment: Grammar quiz - fix the errors in the attached paragraph.

Student answer to one error: Remove coma.

Prones and cons

Assignment: Write an essay that compares two solutions to a problem.

Student response: A 4-page essay about how to survive a zombie attack. Here's a snippet:

Another prone is that if you get infected there is no one that you might immediately harm. A con on the other hand is that there is no one with which to trade the night watch making finding the perfect resting place to rest.

Guest Post: Professor Z brings us hoes going to your mouth

Please welcome Professor Z, a fellow community college English instructor with some gems to share.

After spending a long, hard weekend reading hundreds of student essays, and with a forehead sore from repeated face-palms, Professor Z provides us with these:

1. If you don’t know what a camel pack is, it’s basically a water bottle on your back with a hoes going to your mouth.

2. We started off our hike up the mountain which the terrain was rough with rocks and obstacles right off the back.

3. As I pulled up those worn out hammy down snow pants, tugging on the extra stretchy suspenders, which stretched for what seemed like miles at age five.

4. Boats fluttered on water which looked like flying boats at every pinning moment.

I apologise

Email from student who has missed two week's worth of classes already this semester:

I apologise for missing a second class. I have been having an issue with transportation. I currently do not have a lisence and have had problems thetaxi services on fridays.


My answer: Apologise accepted.

Advice: drifting is fine

Assignment: Using examples from your reading, explain the difference between a narrative and informative essay.

Student response: A narrative essay is more like a story or an event that you remember. You can drift from topic to topic as long as it has a connection in some way.  If you do this then your essay should come out fine.

We sitting in class

Assignment: Narrative Essay. Write a story about your life.

Student response: We sitting in class and the teacher are explaining that there will be two parts to the test a verbal and written.

Who will care and do more

Assignment: Explain how a writer considers his/her audience using examples from the reading.

Student response: How a writer chooses an auidence is who will listen more. The writer goes on and tries to find people who will care and do more after reading the ad.

I can't believe I forget that

Assignment: Narrative Essay. Write a story about your life.

Student response: He had rice krispies treat in his had where his mom wrote "you were born ready". This made me think back on one of my I can't believe I forget that kind of memories.

The Shinning

Assignment: Narrative Essay. Write a story about your life.

Student response: I will never forget the day I got my first cell phone. I was 16 years old, obviously still in high school, although those were extactly my "shinning" years, and had recently got my license.

The bacon is over there

I teach English 101 at a community college. For years I've tried to explain to people what it's like to teach this class. Only those who have done it will understand.

So, in order to maintain my sanity, I will provide you, my humble readers, with samples from actual students' essays, quizzes and writing. Never, ever, will I reveal who wrote them or provide a long enough example to trace this back to the student. This is not meant to humiliate. It's meant as a coping mechanism, a way for me to maintain my sanity and share with the world some of the best and some of the worst. 

Below might be the best answer I've ever received on a grammar quiz. And he even got it right. 

Grammar Quiz

Question 1: Use the word there correctly in a sentence.

Student answer: The bacon is over there.